Playing Catch Up...

I feel like this blog has been, in some ways, a disservice to the experience I’m having here. Even now, having been here for just over 2 months, I’m already starting to take for granted occurrences as a ‘normal’ part of life here. My friend Hannah and I were discussing today how we felt like our journals, blogs and letters home were boring because everything we were writing about was just normal stuff to us. Hannah finished the conversation off by telling me the only thing she really had to put in her blog this week was that she’d slaughtered a chicken… and she said it with a straight face and a shrug.

                It’s stuff like that that makes me realize just how quickly we can adapt to a different environment, to a different way of life. I’m sitting here typing on a laptop computer for the first time in months (thanks for the borrow Henry) and it feels a little foreign. In the living room 15 feet away my host family is having a conversation in Swahili about I don’t know what. It’s 8:49pm, I’m exhausted, sitting cross legged in bed wearing a leso over boys basketball shorts and wishing my stomach would stop hurting for more than an hour at a time. Even that, feeling less than great, has become a normal part of my life here. Don’t let me lead you into believing I’m not being taken care of or that I’m sick and suffering in Africa; I’m not in the least. It’s just that my digestive system is having a tough time adjusting. I might have eaten something bad awhile ago, who knows, I keep hoping it will right itself but it’s been a couple weeks and I think it might be time for a round of Cipro. Don’t worry mom, grandma and any other worrisome personalities who might be reading this, I’ll consult medical before dosing myself!

                This will probably be my last post from Liotokitok as our training ends this Saturday. Looking back it’s gone by really fast and really slow at the same time. I’ve learned so much here already and my reflection on the last couple months led me to go back through some of my journal entries.  Allow me to share some of the high’s and low’s of my almost finished 10 weeks of training…

                -Tue, June 7^th 2011- “Being in a group of 54 people is *$&@^!ng annoying. I hate stupid people.”

                -Wed, June 8^th 2011- “We’re finally in Africa… not in Kenya yet though. We’ve been on this plane for 11 hours I think. I don’t even know, I can’t keep track of anything right now. I’m so tired, so ornery, the plane smells like shit… literally. I have to pee and can’t until we get off again.”

                -Sat, June 11^th 2011- “I’m nervous about meeting the host families tomorrow. I hope they like me and I hope I like them.”

                - Sun, June 12^th 2011- “Okay, I am in love with Kenya. I want to remember this feeling because I know there will be days (probably in the near future) where I’ll think to myself ‘what the hell am I doing here!?!?!’”   “It’s hilarious to say but I just shit in a hole and I’m so proud of myself!”

                - Wed, June 15^th 2011- “Digestive system is NOT happy right now. Ugh. Minus that I am quite happy right now. Got to see all my SED guys today and I know in a few days I’ll miss them again, but for now I’m ready to get back to learning language and walking around. Also got 2 more shots today. Cried.”   “Gotta remember to keep smiling.”

                -Thur, June 16^th 2011- “They said we’d have some ‘what the F*@% am I doing here?’ days. Kinda had one today. I think I need an attitude adjustment… and to wash my clothes. And some REAL coffee. Ah, coffee… I miss you. And pants. And cuddling.”

                - Fri, June 17^th 2011- “My concept of ‘clean’ is changing. Two weeks without doing laundry, I’m running out of clothing. I’ve started rationalizing… ‘it doesn’t look THAT dirty… it smells alright, I guess, clean pile it goes!’”   “Alright, should probably get to bed now… or back to my awesome trashy romance novel…”

                - Wed, June 22^nd 2011- “We named the puppies yesterday and today Chai got taken away. I cried. I actually sat there petting Moja and Taabu and cried a few tears. I got shots today and switched language groups, neither of which was overly exciting. I’m trying to convince myself everything will be okay but I’m definitely down today.”   “Here’s to overcoming these crappy days. At least I got some chocolate today and a nice hug from Njeri.”

                - Sun, June 26^th 2011 – “Too many A type personalities here… and I include myself in that statement.”    “Peanut butter is awesome and yummy. Pretty sure I’ve consumed at least a jar this week.”

                -Wed, July 6^th 2011- “My puppy died today. I knew she wasn’t doing well and I’d hoped she’d pull through but she was just too small and too sick to bring back. I’m having a REALLY hard time with the cultural differences when it comes to animals here. Mama just doesn’t get it. The concept of me being upset over an animal dying is so foreign to her. She just keeps saying ‘its okay, you’ll get another one’ like it’s a pair of shoes or I lost a bracelet.   I’m just sad. Sitting on the floor in my room, my nose is running, I’ve been crying for hours. I hate this feeling. Empty, depressed. Yesterday she was sitting in my lap, her tiny brown eyes looking up at me. Today, she’s under 2 feet of dirt in Mama and Baba’s backyard. I hate my homestay house right now. All I want to do is go be with other Americans who actually understand why I’m sad. It’s good to know I have people here who will stand next to me while I bury my dog and watch me cry just because they know I need someone to be there.”

                -Thur, July 7^th 2011- “Today was better than yesterday. Also, my nose keeps burning… in 20 years when I’m reading this and I have cancer or horrible age-spots on my nose, I’ll know why.”

                - Tue, July 12^th 2011- “Sitting in my hotel room in Taveta. Little drunk on red wine and happiness.”

                -Tue, July 19^th 2011- “I think there is something to the ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ saying. I just ate a whole… okay 2/3 of a block of white cheddar cheese. It isn’t even good cheese or a great (really, sub-par) cracker that I ate it on. And yet, the simple fact that I haven’t seen cheese in 6 weeks made it AMAZING. Also, the smell of this chocolate-mint crunch bar… I might die. Why is food so good?”

                -Fri, July 22^nd 2011- “Sometimes I forget to look up at the stars. It seems like such a little thing but it floors me every time I see them here.”   “Peace Corps volunteers spend a LOT of time talking about  each other… gossiping really. It makes sense if you think about it… we all know each other but no one really knows anyone else from each other’s lives. Plus, I think we all like to think we’re in the same boat. The rumor mill doesn’t really bother me so much. Mostly I just think it’s human nature and boredom taking over. I know things have been said about me and mostly, I could care less. What I really find interesting is the social dynamics here. I like to think I surround myself with people whom I would be friends with under any circumstances, but I really don’t know. This life has already become my new ‘normal’ so even now it’s hard to know what the me back home would think of my friends here.  Maybe only time will tell… the Peace Corps experience is definitely a unique one.”

                -Tue, Aug 2^nd 2011- “ I still don’t know if it’s really sunk in that I’m at the foot of Mt. Kilimanjaro…  in Kenya… in Africa.  A lot of mornings I still wake up in bed here and forget where I am. It usually takes me a good 5-10 seconds as I come out of my Diphenyl induced coma to realize that yea… I’m still a Peace Corps Trainee in Africa, it wasn’t all some very vivid and strange dream; this is actually my life.”

                - Sat, Aug 6^th 2011- “Mama and Baba’s dogs had puppies on Thursday night. I think there were originally 5 and now I’m pretty sure we’re down to 3; they’re dropping like flies. I think animals in this country are trying to break my heart. They’re all like walking advertisements for the Humane Society or whatever organization puts on those depressing commercials with “Arms of the Angels” playing over it.”

                When I left America I had this great romantic notion that I’d be writing about how much my life was changing, how I was going to be a better person after this experience, that my journal would be chalk full of poignant moments… come to find out I’ve really spent most of my first 2 months in Africa writing about the choo, sickly looking puppies, all the food I miss from home and other Peace Corps Trainees. I’m going to have to make an effort in the next 2 years to write a lot more about Kenyan’s lives than my own.

I know some people have asked me about the famine in Northern Kenya that they’ve seen on the news. Rest assured, we are in the VERY Southern part of the country right now and, as such, are really not being affected heavily by conditions in the North. As it is, you’re probably seeing more about it on the news than I am here.  That said, it is striking just how fragile life is here. A couple hundred miles north of me people are starving and here, life goes on. It’s not that people here don’t care, I sat with Mama and Baba in the living room last night watching a short program about the famine and saw them make the same pained expressions at the emaciated faces of children on TV as I knew I was. They care, it’s just that they’re doing everything they can here to keep their own heads above water. Baba even told me that he donated money to the relief efforts. Anyway, just wanted to let you all know that I’m safe and far away from everything that’s happening in the northern part of the country.

            Well, time to get going before the battery on Henry’s computer dies and I don’t get to post this! Love you all and miss you. Hopefully the next time I write I’ll be sworn in as an official Peace Corps Volunteer! Oh, yea, I almost forgot… I passed my language exam, which was the one obstacle to swearing in I was actually worried about. Guess I proved (maybe) that I know enough Swahili not to get myself killed or lost over here!

      Hi again everyone! Sorry it’s been awhile since my last post. Everything is still going well here, in fact even better than well, it’s going great. I had a great birthday and thank you for all the birthday wishes, it’s wonderful to know I’m being thought about even though I’m not there. I took some time on Saturday to sit down and go through my photo album and think about all of you back in the states… I may or may not have shed a ‘homesick-tear’ or two thinking about what I’d be doing on my birthday if I were at home. More than anything I miss all the birthday hugs I know I would have gotten and just so you all know, I’ll be cashing in on those when I get home.

       Training is slowly but surely coming to an end here. We have about 3 weeks left and we’ll be heading to Nairobi.  I will miss my home-stay family a lot when I leave here, I really feel as though I have been adopted. I cooked dinner for them on Sunday night and my 7 year old little sister informed me that I knew how to cook with a giant smile on her face. It’s the little moments in life like that that keep me going to bed every night with a smile on my face.

A number of people have asked me if there’s anything I need here, if they can send me a package or anything. Honestly, there’s not a whole lot I need. Letters are great and anyone who feels like sending one should know I treasure each and every word.  If anyone feels like sending a package my way here’s the things I’m missing in Kenya (but by no means feel like you NEED to send anything!):

*        - Good dark chocolate

*        -Cheez-its or any horrible-for-you-but-so-tasty snack items

*    -Powdered drink mixes (propel, gatorade, crystal light, etc)

 *    -Dried fruit, especially dried bananas but berries are also impossible to find here

*    - Protein bars (Cliff & Balance Bars are my favorites)

*     -Pictures of home (send me pictures of you, your family… anything really, postcards, maps, I need things to decorate my walls!)

*     -Newspaper articles ( I have NO idea what’s going on in the US or in MN, if there’s stuff you think I should know about or I would be interested in, cut em out and toss them in the package)

          My address is “Lindsay Bergman, Peace Corps Trainee, PO BOX 698-00621, Nairobi, Kenya.”  I get duty-free (I don’t have to pay to receive them) packages through August so if you do send a package I ask that you do it in the next week so I don’t go broke trying to buy my packages out of the post office! Again, no one should feel like they need to send anything, I’m actually surviving quite well here, it’s just those few little things that I miss. Like I said, mostly I like getting pictures and letters from home, so if you do send a package there had better be a little hand written note in there!

          We recently got back from a couple weeks out of our training village and it was wonderful to realize that when we came back to Loitokitok it actually felt like coming home. It really is amazing how fast you can adapt to a totally different way of life. Honestly, I think about going back to the US right now and I have a hard time imagining going back to life as usual… a flush toilet, refrigeration, my car, a normal work day, running water, electricity 24/7, air conditioning.  I thought I would miss those things a lot more than I do. Mostly I miss having face-to-face conversations with my favorite people. I miss my pets, my oak tree in the back yard and being outside after dark (we have a 6:30pm curfew during training…). I miss walking down the street and not being stared at and wearing pants instead of skirts.  Oh, and tofu, I miss the hell out of tofu.

But really those are just little things. There are some amazing people in my training class and getting to know some of them has been a privilege these last 2 months. It still amazes me how well I feel like I know some of them after only a short amount of time. I guess being thrown into a 3^rd world country and emotionally stressed a lot of the time will do that to you.

                   So, like I said, our training session here in Loitokitok is wrapping up and its bitter-sweet. I look forward to swearing in, being a real volunteer and having a lot more freedom but saying good-bye (at least for awhile) to the other volunteers will also be very hard. August 13^th will be our last day in Loitokitok and then we’ll head to Nairobi for swearing in and on the 18^th I will leave Nairobi for Kakamega where I’ll get to see the community in which I’ll be living and working for the next two years.

        

               Hope everyone back home is doing well. Please feel free to e-mail or write me any time, I love hearing about you lives back in the states. Until next time, Kwaheri!

From Kenya With Love...

Hey everyone! It’s actually Lindsay posting this time J Thanks to my wonderful little sis for the last post, great job Nicki and thanks in advance for updating for me.

Alright so I made it to Kenya! Sorry about the delay in posting anything but I’ve been enjoying life without technology here way too much. In fact, today marks the first time in over 3 weeks that I’ve looked at a computer screen and I couldn’t be happier. Currently I am in a tiny internet café (the lights are flickering over my head) typing on the stickiest keyboard I’ve ever encountered. Literally getting a work out trying to type this…

Things have been really good for the most part so far. The home stay family I’m living with has been absolutely amazing, I really feel like I am one of the family already. I am actually not operating out of Nairobi as Nicki posted, but a small village on the foothills of Kilimanjaro called Loitokitok. I will be here living with the aforementioned host family until mid August when I will travel the  4+ hours back to Nairobi to swear in as a real volunteer! Until then I’m staying with my mama Alice, my baba George, my little brother Macharia and my little sister Njeri. I cook with mama every night in the kitchen and Njeri tries to teach me a little more Swahili everyday.

The days here are really long for us right now. I’m up at 5:45am everyday, am running every few days, hand washing my clothes twice a week and walking between 1 and 4 miles a day, depending on what activities we have to do.  The language classes are INSANE, we are learning so fast. This week alone we have 16 hours of language class scheduled during the day (plus another 16 hours or so of technical training) and we’re expected to practice with our host families at night. I’m so exhausted by the end of everyday that I go to sleep around 9-10pm every night and sleep like a rock.

As far as food goes, we’re eating well… sometimes I think too well, my home stay mama wants to fatten me up and I have to turn down extra food at every meal. I wish there was a little more flavor in the food and a little less (ie LOT less) carbohydrate served with every meal. All in all though my belly has been a happy camper so far.

In general I have also been a happy camper. Though I miss you all, I’m very, very happy here and am laughing and smiling on a daily basis. I have already made some friends that I know I will have for the rest of my life. I feel very lucky in that respect. Though there haven’t been a lot of tough times so far, in the few there have been, I already know I have people I can count on to be there for me. We’re planning a much needed party for the upcoming 4^th of July weekend, so while you are all out on the boat enjoying the weekend, know that I’m camping somewhere In Kenya doing the same!

Well, I'm being charged by the minute and there’s a line forming for the computer, so I’d better get going. Love you all and hope you are half as happy as I am J

First Weeks In Country

Hello everyone,

For those of you who don't know me personally, my name is Nicki and I'm Lindsay's younger sister. In her absence I'll be taking over a majority of her blog posts to keep you all updated on her progress in Kenya. She left for her trip on the morning of June 6th. From the Twin Cities she flew to Philadelphia where she was immunized and processed, and from there they drove to New York City to leave out of JFK international airport. From NYC they had a long flight to Europe, and from there the group made the flight into Nairobi, Kenya's capital city. Lindsay made her first call from in country by the 8th. For the first ten weeks of her stay she is operating out of Nairobi. There she is receiving her basic training as well as learning to speak Swahili, the national language of Kenya, though not the only language spoken by its people.

On June 24th Lindsay received what will be her permanent post for her 27 week assignment. She will be working at the Community Clinic in Kakamega, Kenya, which is north of Lake Victoria. Her work will include HIV/AIDS and waterborne illness prevention, as well as hygiene and safe sex education.

Personally, Lindsay is doing very well. She is living with a homestay family and seems to be quite happy staying with them. She has called several times over the past few weeks to check in, and she has inquired about many of you readers personally. Because the cost of sending letters is much more than she had expected (about $1.25 per letter), she may not write as many letters as she had hoped to previously. She only gets about 14 U.S. dollars per week to live on, which includes all of her shopping, so her letters may be sporadic.

Take care, and there will be more to come in the coming weeks.

Last Post From Home....

To my family and friends;

                Thank you to everyone who has been supportive of me during this long process and especially during these last few weeks as the reality of leaving you all behind has started to sink in.  Many people have said “don’t go” to me during that time and I know that deep down what they’re really trying to say is “I’ll miss you”.  I know; I’ll miss you just as much and probably more. I also know that two years and ten weeks will fly by faster than any of us can imagine. August 2013 I’ll be typing in this blog that I can’t believe how fast it all went by.

                The nerves have definitely been with me as I’ve said goodbye to people I’ve known forever and those I’ve only recently gotten to know and grown to love.  Each and every one of you has a place in my heart and so even though I’ll be physically leaving you, I’ll still carry a part of you with me.  I have a photo album filled with pictures of my favorite people, places and things, a photo album over which I’m sure many tears will be cried as I miss you all. I wish I could hear your laughter and laugh too at the silly mannerisms you have that make you, you. I wish there were a way to capture the smells of home, work, cologne, shampoo, to bottle them up and reunite with them when I’m so home sick I want to quit.

                I won’t quit though, I’m too stubborn and too committed to the idea. After years of wondering what I’m going to do with myself, my education, my career, I finally have a plan and that is a wonderful feeling. At this major juncture in my life, I look back at all the people and decisions that have gotten me here. It hasn’t always been easy and to those that know the moments to which I’m referring and were there to get me through them, thank you. Thank you a thousand times over. I would never want to struggle through those times again, however, I also know that they have made me the person I am today and for that I don’t regret a single thing. I find myself 24 years old, feeling happy, loved, respected and purposeful. I will step on that plane to Africa excited for a new experience and knowing that I leave behind, at least for now, some of the best friends and the greatest family anyone could ever ask for.

                Many of you have expressed your concerns about my safety and I want you all to know three things. One, I am not naïve to the dangers of travelling as a young woman in a foreign and, in this case, third world country. I will do everything in my power to ensure my safety while I am in Kenya, of that I can promise you. Two, I truly believe that anything worth doing carries some amount of risk and this is no different. Having a baby can kill you, so can crossing the street or driving to work but we don’t let the risks of those things stop us from doing them. Finally, know that if something should happen to me I went into this with eyes wide open and I am exactly where I want to be doing exactly what I want to be doing. I am living my life to its absolute fullest and with no regrets.

                I have cried so many tears in the weeks leading up to my departure and I’m sure there will be more to follow. Thank you to everyone who has been there to wipe my tears, rub my back and tell me everything is going to be okay. Leaving everyone behind has proved to be one of the hardest things I’ve yet to do in my life. That said, this is not goodbye, its only see you later and I will. I look forward to your letters and cannot wait to see you again.

                     Love always, 

                             Lindsay

Single Digits....

Well, it's official the countdown has reached single digits. Nine days from today I'll be getting on a plane at the butt-crack of dawn headed for Philly!  Here's a little video I made going through some of the stuff that I'm bringing with me. Hope you enjoy and stay tuned, the fun is just beginning!

One Month....

      Exactly one month from today I'll be in Philadelphia at the Peace Corps staging event where, from what I can gather, we'll basically be getting a pep talk, asking any questions we have prior to departure, being stabbed with various hypodermic needles and signing lots and lots of paper work. On the up side, I'll also get a chance to meet the people with whom I'll probably become very good friends over the next couple years.  From Philly we'll climb on a bus and ride the 2 1/2 hours to JFK international airport, and woosh off to Kenya we go.

      I've been slowly buying and gathering things for the last few months so my packing is actually pretty organized. The only thing I'm worried about on that front is that I haven't actually tried to shove everything into the alloted luggage yet... that could be interesting. I also keep buying these hideous clothes, things that I would NEVER wear here. It's a little bit like Halloween shopping... if your costume was a frumpy school teacher. But, I gotta wear what I gotta wear, so for the next 2 years I'll be in dresses and below-the-knee-length skirts. I'll miss you jeans and cleavage.

       People also keep asking me if I'm getting nervous. The short answer is: yea, I am.

       Some days I forget I'm leaving and then all of a sudden I'll be doing something stupid, something I've done a million times before like driving to work or sitting at the bar with friends and it hits me that in a month those aspects of my life will only be a memory.  It makes me think about all the things I'll miss here... my bed, the smell of my house, my car, softball,  the woods where I jog... air conditioning, I bet I'll miss that last one a lot. More than that though it's the random little moments that keep hitting me like a ton of bricks...

     Sitting around a table with friends, sipping  cocktails, laughing, gossiping and generally enjoying each others company. Walking in to work and being greeted with a hug or a smile or a simple 'hey Linds' from one of my wonderful co-workers. Sleeping next to someone and feeling just a little bit safer, more at ease, just because they're there, snoring in my ear.  The way my dog's tail wags and she comes running to see me every morning when I wake up. Laying on the branch of my oak tree staring up at the sky. Inside jokes. Teasing. A hug from a friend I've known for years. Having someone know me well enough to call me on my bullshit.

                       Those are the things I'm really going to miss... The warm, fuzzy, comfortable moments, and of course the people who make those moments possible. I hope you all know who you are and know how much I love and will miss you.