I feel like this blog has been, in some ways, a disservice to the experience I’m having here. Even now, having been here for just over 2 months, I’m already starting to take for granted occurrences as a ‘normal’ part of life here. My friend Hannah and I were discussing today how we felt like our journals, blogs and letters home were boring because everything we were writing about was just normal stuff to us. Hannah finished the conversation off by telling me the only thing she really had to put in her blog this week was that she’d slaughtered a chicken… and she said it with a straight face and a shrug.
It’s stuff like that that makes me realize just how quickly we can adapt to a different environment, to a different way of life. I’m sitting here typing on a laptop computer for the first time in months (thanks for the borrow Henry) and it feels a little foreign. In the living room 15 feet away my host family is having a conversation in Swahili about I don’t know what. It’s 8:49pm, I’m exhausted, sitting cross legged in bed wearing a leso over boys basketball shorts and wishing my stomach would stop hurting for more than an hour at a time. Even that, feeling less than great, has become a normal part of my life here. Don’t let me lead you into believing I’m not being taken care of or that I’m sick and suffering in Africa; I’m not in the least. It’s just that my digestive system is having a tough time adjusting. I might have eaten something bad awhile ago, who knows, I keep hoping it will right itself but it’s been a couple weeks and I think it might be time for a round of Cipro. Don’t worry mom, grandma and any other worrisome personalities who might be reading this, I’ll consult medical before dosing myself!
This will probably be my last post from Liotokitok as our training ends this Saturday. Looking back it’s gone by really fast and really slow at the same time. I’ve learned so much here already and my reflection on the last couple months led me to go back through some of my journal entries. Allow me to share some of the high’s and low’s of my almost finished 10 weeks of training…
-Tue, June 7th 2011- “Being in a group of 54 people is *$&@^!ng annoying. I hate stupid people.”
-Wed, June 8th 2011- “We’re finally in Africa… not in Kenya yet though. We’ve been on this plane for 11 hours I think. I don’t even know, I can’t keep track of anything right now. I’m so tired, so ornery, the plane smells like shit… literally. I have to pee and can’t until we get off again.”
-Sat, June 11th 2011- “I’m nervous about meeting the host families tomorrow. I hope they like me and I hope I like them.”
- Sun, June 12th 2011- “Okay, I am in love with Kenya. I want to remember this feeling because I know there will be days (probably in the near future) where I’ll think to myself ‘what the hell am I doing here!?!?!’” “It’s hilarious to say but I just shit in a hole and I’m so proud of myself!”
- Wed, June 15th 2011- “Digestive system is NOT happy right now. Ugh. Minus that I am quite happy right now. Got to see all my SED guys today and I know in a few days I’ll miss them again, but for now I’m ready to get back to learning language and walking around. Also got 2 more shots today. Cried.” “Gotta remember to keep smiling.”
-Thur, June 16th 2011- “They said we’d have some ‘what the F*@% am I doing here?’ days. Kinda had one today. I think I need an attitude adjustment… and to wash my clothes. And some REAL coffee. Ah, coffee… I miss you. And pants. And cuddling.”
- Fri, June 17th 2011- “My concept of ‘clean’ is changing. Two weeks without doing laundry, I’m running out of clothing. I’ve started rationalizing… ‘it doesn’t look THAT dirty… it smells alright, I guess, clean pile it goes!’” “Alright, should probably get to bed now… or back to my awesome trashy romance novel…”
- Wed, June 22nd 2011- “We named the puppies yesterday and today Chai got taken away. I cried. I actually sat there petting Moja and Taabu and cried a few tears. I got shots today and switched language groups, neither of which was overly exciting. I’m trying to convince myself everything will be okay but I’m definitely down today.” “Here’s to overcoming these crappy days. At least I got some chocolate today and a nice hug from Njeri.”
- Sun, June 26th 2011 – “Too many A type personalities here… and I include myself in that statement.” “Peanut butter is awesome and yummy. Pretty sure I’ve consumed at least a jar this week.”
-Wed, July 6th 2011- “My puppy died today. I knew she wasn’t doing well and I’d hoped she’d pull through but she was just too small and too sick to bring back. I’m having a REALLY hard time with the cultural differences when it comes to animals here. Mama just doesn’t get it. The concept of me being upset over an animal dying is so foreign to her. She just keeps saying ‘its okay, you’ll get another one’ like it’s a pair of shoes or I lost a bracelet. I’m just sad. Sitting on the floor in my room, my nose is running, I’ve been crying for hours. I hate this feeling. Empty, depressed. Yesterday she was sitting in my lap, her tiny brown eyes looking up at me. Today, she’s under 2 feet of dirt in Mama and Baba’s backyard. I hate my homestay house right now. All I want to do is go be with other Americans who actually understand why I’m sad. It’s good to know I have people here who will stand next to me while I bury my dog and watch me cry just because they know I need someone to be there.”
-Thur, July 7th 2011- “Today was better than yesterday. Also, my nose keeps burning… in 20 years when I’m reading this and I have cancer or horrible age-spots on my nose, I’ll know why.”
- Tue, July 12th 2011- “Sitting in my hotel room in Taveta. Little drunk on red wine and happiness.”
-Tue, July 19th 2011- “I think there is something to the ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ saying. I just ate a whole… okay 2/3 of a block of white cheddar cheese. It isn’t even good cheese or a great (really, sub-par) cracker that I ate it on. And yet, the simple fact that I haven’t seen cheese in 6 weeks made it AMAZING. Also, the smell of this chocolate-mint crunch bar… I might die. Why is food so good?”
-Fri, July 22nd 2011- “Sometimes I forget to look up at the stars. It seems like such a little thing but it floors me every time I see them here.” “Peace Corps volunteers spend a LOT of time talking about each other… gossiping really. It makes sense if you think about it… we all know each other but no one really knows anyone else from each other’s lives. Plus, I think we all like to think we’re in the same boat. The rumor mill doesn’t really bother me so much. Mostly I just think it’s human nature and boredom taking over. I know things have been said about me and mostly, I could care less. What I really find interesting is the social dynamics here. I like to think I surround myself with people whom I would be friends with under any circumstances, but I really don’t know. This life has already become my new ‘normal’ so even now it’s hard to know what the me back home would think of my friends here. Maybe only time will tell… the Peace Corps experience is definitely a unique one.”
-Tue, Aug 2nd 2011- “ I still don’t know if it’s really sunk in that I’m at the foot of Mt. Kilimanjaro… in Kenya… in Africa. A lot of mornings I still wake up in bed here and forget where I am. It usually takes me a good 5-10 seconds as I come out of my Diphenyl induced coma to realize that yea… I’m still a Peace Corps Trainee in Africa, it wasn’t all some very vivid and strange dream; this is actually my life.”
- Sat, Aug 6th 2011- “Mama and Baba’s dogs had puppies on Thursday night. I think there were originally 5 and now I’m pretty sure we’re down to 3; they’re dropping like flies. I think animals in this country are trying to break my heart. They’re all like walking advertisements for the Humane Society or whatever organization puts on those depressing commercials with “Arms of the Angels” playing over it.”
When I left America I had this great romantic notion that I’d be writing about how much my life was changing, how I was going to be a better person after this experience, that my journal would be chalk full of poignant moments… come to find out I’ve really spent most of my first 2 months in Africa writing about the choo, sickly looking puppies, all the food I miss from home and other Peace Corps Trainees. I’m going to have to make an effort in the next 2 years to write a lot more about Kenyan’s lives than my own.
I know some people have asked me about the famine in Northern Kenya that they’ve seen on the news. Rest assured, we are in the VERY Southern part of the country right now and, as such, are really not being affected heavily by conditions in the North. As it is, you’re probably seeing more about it on the news than I am here. That said, it is striking just how fragile life is here. A couple hundred miles north of me people are starving and here, life goes on. It’s not that people here don’t care, I sat with Mama and Baba in the living room last night watching a short program about the famine and saw them make the same pained expressions at the emaciated faces of children on TV as I knew I was. They care, it’s just that they’re doing everything they can here to keep their own heads above water. Baba even told me that he donated money to the relief efforts. Anyway, just wanted to let you all know that I’m safe and far away from everything that’s happening in the northern part of the country.
Well, time to get going before the battery on Henry’s computer dies and I don’t get to post this! Love you all and miss you. Hopefully the next time I write I’ll be sworn in as an official Peace Corps Volunteer! Oh, yea, I almost forgot… I passed my language exam, which was the one obstacle to swearing in I was actually worried about. Guess I proved (maybe) that I know enough Swahili not to get myself killed or lost over here!
Lindsay! I just sent you a letter and realized I used the old address! Do they have mail forwarding in Kenya?? I hope you get it still!! Hope all is well!
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